Even in the digital world, good things take time. “Believe it or not, foreplay counts, even when sexting,” said Caitlin. “Easing into the act can help create a more intense experience for all parties.”
Dr. Jess agrees, adding that anticipation is the key to heightened pleasure. “Research suggests that dopamine levels – a chemical associated with pleasure and reward – are actually higher while awaiting the reward than upon receipt of the reward itself,” she said. She recommends texting sound clips of sexy sounds, recording an audio clip of yourself masturbating, or sending a voice text telling your partner exactly what you want as ways to build excitement leading up to your virtual escapade.
Once a video session begins, Isharna recommends a slow reveal of body parts as a means of foreplay. “This is an opportunity to get creative and can be incredibly sensual and exciting if you’re willing to experiment,” she said.
In the absence of a physical partner, consider utilizing some extras, like lingerie or toys, to aid in the endeavor. “Feeling sexy translates into being sexy,” said Megwyn. “Wear clothes that allow you to unleash your sensuality.”
“This is a time to indulge in your fantasies,” Dr. He recommends exploring with feathers, ticklers, arousing gels, and popular toys like finger vibrators. “There are many erotic and erogenous zones besides the genitals,” he explained. “Explore with your fingers or a self-stimulator.”
Megwyn agrees it’s a great time to play around with pleasure products, stating they can help release tensions that might be inhibiting you from dropping into your body. “Let your partner know how you’re using it or ask them to direct you into touching different zones, like nipples or inner thighs,” she said. “Be open to describing sensations which can invite them more into your sensual world and inspire them to feel what you are feeling.”
Because you’re not physically with each other, a satisfying virtual tryst depends heavily on communication. “When talking dirty, use compelling language and be as detailed and descriptive as possible so that your partner can be totally immersed in the fantasy,” recommended Caitlin. “Ask open-ended questions to allow your fantasy and your partner’s fantasy to mesh into one.”
Your body can also be a great communicator. Megwyn catholicmatch explains that we have something called “mirror neurons,” which means that as we watch movement and experience, our brains will activate the same neurons as though we were actually doing the action we’re watching. “This is great news for virtual sexual journeys and means that as you touch yourself and share it with your partner, they have the potential to experience it on an even more visceral level,” she said. “Let your partner know the quality of the touch, how it feels, and let your face and voice express the experience to help transmit the opportunity for mirror neurons to fire.”
There can’t exactly be cuddling after virtual sex, which Megwyn warns could be unsettling for those who usually like to snuggle up to the partner post-coitus. Instead, she recommends using the end of the call to discuss some of the high points of the experience or virtually tuck your partner into bed. “Dropping the call too quickly after an orgasm or after revealing your sexual desires can feel incredibly jarring to the system,” said Megwyn. “Allow yourself to bring presence to the fact that things are winding down.”
This is also a chance to get creative and incorporate more of your senses. Light some scented candles or incense and play some soft music. “Rhythm and sexuality go hand in hand, so bringing music into the mix will naturally invite you and your partner to get in the mood and help to melt anxieties that might be looming,” said Megwyn.